I am shadowing berceuses through lawless meadows
To see if you are the one whispering this shanty soliloquy
Your song is the only echo to each beat of my heart
Louder, love.
Tonight the moon is a chair
I’d like to step softly to a staircase of starlight
Sink slowly into slippered silence
Wind my way through the hush of nighttime breezes, their fingers dancing in my hair.
I would like to summit the sky
To curl into the curve of this crescent moon and count constellations
So far from familiar and somehow still so at home,
My head on your chest serving as gravity enough to hold me here always.
Will you meet me there?
I know that you can hear the song
In the empty space at the end of a rustling newsprint page
Palmed from one arthritic hand to its partner
Glances and the introverted extraversion of a stifled chuckle
Breathing mystery into the blur passing us by
Those evenings when I am so unsure of whether the conductor’s voice conjures the particular station
Or if that certain space simply sings songs into our proximity.
Don’t hold it in, my love.
Look into my eyes hard
How we’ve always been too afraid to do, and know.
When the world breathes in the whole of humanity and exhales only melody,
I can hear it too.
This exhalation haunts so heavily
This tip-toed, starry-eyed sound silences long-hushed streets and fields
Contemplation bordering on insanity
Anchoring hands tattooed on tree bark, toes in streams, cicadas in ears
Moonlight combing through leaves
Conspiring with the breeze to whisper little shimmering loves from the slivered sky
Her messages carried by barn owls and the foreign midnight babble of water on stones
From my bedrock soul to Orion, down a staircase of stars, home to you.
Somehow we were both born speaking lullaby languages that no one else can hear.
The only secret is that there is one.
You’re searching too,
Let’s not wander alone.
Breathe like the woods are watching
Tangling your exhalation with dawn drawn rose
Break my pulse over your knee
With wanted words on your tongue
While the crack of pine knots floods the Milky Way
Bury your gaze in daffodil flames
Finding symphony silence
In bright embers constellating
Do not be so afraid
The songs of the silence
Deafen only the dark
I need you to know that the thought of “you” makes me want to run barefoot through rainstorms
As if somehow the clouds might contain the condensation of your city
As if I could dance in the dewdrops evaporated from your sweating glass on a windowsill, wherever it is you are
I want you to know that at night I imagine I can count the street lamps from you, to me
I want to pluck them from the ground, one by one, like wildflowers, until I have a shimmering bouquet of softly petaled light
I want to hand them to you, become captured in the infinity of your irises, and say,
“I’m here now, love. It’s nice to meet you.”
This evening it poured
I had an umbrella in my handbag
I left it there
The dewy spiderwebs of my hair meeting rainwater, plastered on my rosy cheeks
You always said it worked at summer camp
When they’d throw water on your sleepy head
We stack humanity in little boxes
Miles high in whimsical warehouses we like to name after stolen things
People, places nobody remembers anymore
Cities are the loneliest lovers of all
Drawling avenues long enough to reach through steely glass
Yearn for times before humanity learned to live in midair
Learned to talk with their hands without touch.
She knows all the ways home
And every avenue is a way home
If you make the right turn.
I still collect pennies of you in mason jars
The lid laced tight so as not to allow any sunshine to escape
The whispers of wanderings
We once traveled through
I still send you light
I will search for you on train platforms
In each melody that spills from my mind
I dreamt you could hear me
When I whisper to the city lights with each exhalation of frosty breath
I felt you were real again.
Portraits of promises feigning flutters of hope
I have a collection of things that you love
Or loved
You say we’re strangers now, but if I close my eyes and hold real still
I can still feel the flutter of your heart under my palm, so innocent against your chiseled chest
Each beat filling the rhythm of the melody of saving you from yourself
Those sweet summer nights drawing dew
So at home in the drum of your pulse
The spine of Salinger turned over in our palms as you told me
That these stories changed your life
I read them cover to cover
Lingered in each word
For the mere fact that your eyes owned this prose
I read them cover to cover
To show you how your life changed my story
Your stories are still my favorites
The ones you told me in a hushed voice and those we told together, our hopes and hearts singing midnight hymns
I read them in the corners of my mind where my heart won't hear and allow abandoned hopes to wreak havoc
There are other stories
A box of photographs
A reel of black and white film
Lost laughter settling in the booming silence of my ear drums--
I miss you.
Do you remember that night we laid on the dock, counting shooting stars?
Twenty-two.
I counted twenty-two, my lucky number
I dreamt they could fall to kiss our foreheads and maybe give me reason to remember you loved me
No matter how far inside yourself you hid
I could still crawl through the crook of the old willow tree
Climb in and wrap myself up tight
It was the only way I would fit.
I miss you.
Sometimes I sit here and wait for you
Our old wooden foot bridge
Our peak of the mountain
Where you were Jack holding my arms outspread
And if you jumped I jumped too
I still collect pennies of you
When I find them upside-down, as I find they always are
I turn them over
So that perhaps when I walk by the next time
I can follow my Hansel and Gretel trail of lucky copper sunbeams
Know that even after all of our stories
Have realized they are that and nothing more,
You still send me light too